blogging at gunpoint

so...part of my taking a month off was supposed to involve less sitting in front of a computer. much to my chagrin i've had to check my email almost every day because of my damn phd grant (remember when i was happy i got it? now their "adjustments to my budget" are making me wish i'd had to resort to plan b - abject poverty for 3 years. ya, i'm pretty annoyed with the funders of my grant.) anyhoo, so much for staying away from the computer.

in the spaces between emailing i've done lots of nothing for 5 weeks. here's a summary:

1. have reacquainted myself with canadian beer. the good (creemore, sleemans, keith's), the bad (canadian) and the new (garrison and propeller - halifax microbrews. check out propeller bitter - an excellent mild bitter for those of us who don't normally like it)

2. visited iain for a week in halifax where we: a) rarely left the hotel room before noon, b) mostly walked around and c) ate fish/drank beer (notice a theme).

aside: two of the best places we ate at were:

the press gang where we had crab cakes, delicious lime/chili tiger shrimp and the most bountiful seafood chowder (it even included a hunk of lobster along with the mussels, scallops and salmon) of the trip

and

the five fishermen where we sampled the free mussel and salad bar (london posh restaurants take note!) and then had the best monk fish and halibut, respectively, that any of us had ever had. the monk fish was grilled and thus incredibly tender and served in a pappadum cornucopia filled with fragrant rice and vegetables with a curry and blueberry coulis. yum!

3. spent almost every non-sleeping moment with my mother
i can't bear to be apart from her. i mean obviously i've gone out partying with shannon and sarah in halifax and jo/robin/rob in toronto without mom. but for the most part i haven't done some of the things i'd planned to do during this break - like write a book (ha!) - because i just want to go to tim horton's and winners (once a week!) and chapters and the grocery store with mom. i guess this is the 'been away best part of three years'-thing. but it is mildly alarming to me. my english teacher from grade 11 was celibate (catholic school talking) and living with her mother. and she was about 45. AHHHH! that will not be me. that will not be me.
anyhoo - the point of this paragraph is to report that i have reached a new level of neuroticism vis a vis my mother. the other night i was watching a tlc decorating show (there are so many now!) and mom was behind the bulkhead in our kitchen (i could see her head and shoulders but her bottom half was being the mini-wall). at one point i turned around to say something to her and didn't see her there and my FIRST THOUGHT was that she was slumped over dead on the floor. a new low.

4. fretted about my grant budget
i'm worried that the budget won't be approved in time for the london school to apply for my work permit and for me to get said work permit in the post to allow time for me to get my 'leave to remain' documents from the british high commission in ottawa. trying to suppress the little voice that keeps finding new and scarier scenarios for me to contemplate. what if i need to delay my flight back?! what if my work permit application is denied?! WHAT IF I FUCK UP MY WHOLE PHD AND HAVE TO MOVE BACK HOME AFTER THREE YEARS A FAILURE?! have i always worried like this? dunno. i need a beer.